she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
