Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
