Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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