I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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