It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
