dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
