If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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