Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
