She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize