Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
