Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
