dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i now understand why vodka
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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