Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
