Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
