I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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