I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
