the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
