The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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