a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
