I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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