why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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