His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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