good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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