I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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