I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
