Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So vagazzling was a success
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
