Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
