I have demons in me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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