I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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