My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
