When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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