Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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