I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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