Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
