Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
