I'm lost and stupid without you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
