Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
FUCK WHALES
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
