When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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