Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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