im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
