no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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