upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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