I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
