Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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