Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
