i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
