remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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