i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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