My first STD was from a foam party
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
