Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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