So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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