She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
