I must be too annoying 4 u.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
