Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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