She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You're like the curious george of whores
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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