Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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