Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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