It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
