Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
