Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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