Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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