Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
