Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
